Manic Digression

Editor's Note: Ordinarily, my blog is comprised entirely of poorly placed pictures combined with a scattered collection of anecdotes loosely based on a single theme or concept. Often times I will digress to the point where there is no longer any semblance of a coherent conclusion whereupon I will hit "Publish" and go to bed. Today's blog entry will be no different.  EXPLAINING TO MY WIFE THE BENEFITS OF OWNING A GIANT SIZE GODZILLA FIGURE Some days I feel a state of constant despair when I consider all that is asked of me to perform my best as a husband, a father, a store manager, and the occasional Extreme Couponer. Whenever I get down on myself and feel like I am just not measuring up to the level society tells me I should be I go to the Kmart close to my store and remind myself life could be far worse. When Obi Wan Kenobi is looking out over Mos Eisley and says to Luke Skywalker,  "Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scu...

Chapter One     Part I ___________________________ It is 8:57pm. The small Christian book and supply store I manage has been open for ten hours and fifty-seven minutes and - with three minutes left - my closing associate and I receive a product availability question that will most certainly erupt into some formidable despair for one of the parties involved. The window blinds are down. The overhead music that plays on a continuous loop of relatively encouraging music during the entire day has finally been silenced. Our Jesus Fish open sign is now unplugged and in its electrical outlet is a vacuum that would ordinarily be in use at this very moment had it not been for this unpredictable call.  “Ma’am, I apologize….” (I learned a long time ago in retail that it is best not to say the words “I’m sorry” if you truly were not sorry and carried little in the way of sincerity in your voice.) “...it is just that we don’t carry that product here in my store.” Desperately looking to...